(still in search for the beauty)

Hey, girls.
It's been a month since my last post here. Things haven't really changed much, but the pain is less sharp now so I am able to come back and look around this place and community I love so much.

First of all - THANK YOU for the support you gave me through comments and e-mails.

Special thanks to Skeleton Strong for: "But also remember that even though this is "just a blog" and we all seem "just worried about what we weigh," we're actually real people too, and we care about you." <3

And now the important thing (some moralizing ahead):

I found out that no matter what one deals with in life, it's always easier to deal with it while one is thin & clean & beautiful.
Now this sounds like a super stupid sentence, because beauty seems to be nothing compared to love & death & God & stuff like that. But it's true. Not because the universe makes your life better when you are thin. Not because God loves you more when you can fit size 0. But because of yourself. When one doesn't have to fight the body, it's easier to fight through life. And for me, the only way how not to see my body as an enemy, is to make it better.
I´m not trying to lose all the fat for some material reason or for a boy who didn´t want me at high school. I'm doing this because it´s a need of my soul, literally.

This is what Yummy has in the header of her blog: Where does my heart belong.
I finally understand.

I've been through some painful things lately, and I would still sign this in my blood.
(I'm not really sure if this is a comeback. I just needed to write it down.)
I love you all, each of you is beautiful, girls.


  1. thin&clean&beautiful...we'll be there eventually. it's good to hear from you. hang in there, darling.

  2. Thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot to have people out there reading and understanding all the crap I can't usually talk about. <3

    I wish I was thin, clean and beautiful. One day I will be, or I shall die trying.

    Much love to you, bay x

  3. I feel the same, that self love is what is most important. If the only way to love yourself is to change, than do it. There is nothing wrong about refusing to accept the way you look, and wanting to feel and look better. I cannot love myself fat, either.

    Sometimes I feel I don't belong in this community because I have a lot more weight to lose that other girls, but I have come to realize, looking at everyone's HW, that many girls here started out weighing as much if not more than I do. I think we are all here because we understand how hard it is to lose weight, how important it is, and that we all need support. You should feel accepted here, no matter how much you weigh or how well you are able to succeed on your diet. We all UNDERSTAND and welcome you.

    Don't go again. Stay. All that matters is that you keep trying.

  4. So glad you are back I have missed your posts so much!
    I know what you mean thin is need of my soul too and of a lot of other girls too!

  5. Great to hear from you!
    I miss your posts :(
    Hope everything starts looking better soon for you. I've dealth with deaths of family and freinds as well. Always here.
    XX Sarah.

  6. new follower.
    wow, you should post again soon.
    you are such a lovely person <3

  7. this made me smile, unfortunately I've just come across this blog, hopefully you'll be back for good soon, stay strong lovely, x.

  8. hey :) i just discovered your blog, and i already love it <3 don't give up, i'm also with you. all the best :)